Of Truth and Lies
by Anake14
Summary: It was supposed to be the perfect day. They were supposed to be happy, for just one day they would be together. So why was her heart breaking? What had gone wrong? All she knew was that she hated to love him. Spain/FemRomano slight Ger/Ita and Pru/Can


Of Truth and Lies

A/N: Damn, I did it again, however pleas will get you all nowhere this time as this will most likely stay a one-shot until I'm finished with all five of my other stories _**if**_ I decide to continue this, even then I'd have to have a good reason. I feel that you should know it was inspired by two songs, one being Tears of an Angel by RyanDan and the other being You Should Have Lied by Stephanie McIntosh.

Disclaimer- I don't own Hetalia Axis Powers, I wish I did, for the awesome Prussia would be epic and England would just admit he's sexually frustrated.

_Teller, teller, tell me a tale,  
Of love and fear and duty,  
I want to die in the arms of love,  
I want to die for beauty.  
For beauty is the only truth,  
And death the only lie,  
I want to sing a final tale,  
And love before I die.  
**-"Teller, Teller,"****Troll Bridge****, Jane Yolen**_

Summary: It was supposed to be the perfect day. They were supposed to be happy, for just one day they would be together. So why was her heart breaking? What had gone wrong? All she knew was that she hated to love him. Spain/FemRomano slight Ger/Ita and Pru/Can

**Warning: Cussing, _obviously_, Lemon later in the chap, and obviously there are gay couples as well as straight. Don't like don't read.**

She ran; she didn't care where she was going or where she ended up, she just kept running, because she couldn't go back, she had nowhere to go back to. Lovina had been careful to disguise herself as male for so long, her male persona had kept her safe and content, true she wasn't the perfect example of a '_proper_' female, but she had survived and she stood as the proud representative of Southern Italy, even if she was using it as an excuse to deny her feelings. She kept her disguise, the only people to know being her twin brother Veneziano and the damn doctor she had unwillingly told because she had needed feminine products and to hide them, not even that Spanish bastardo knew, the damn idiota.

The sky was clear, mocking her sadness as the sun's rays illuminated the field where she had tripped. It was time she admitted the truth to herself about so many things, maybe that was why she was always so irritable, because she refused to believe the truth. She didn't mind that Feli loves the damn potato bastard, didn't care that he was gay, but she was trying to protect her beloved brother. Yeah everyone loved Feliciano more, but she wasn't jealous, not really. She was brought up to protect him, taking the pain that came with the attacks on Italy so he wouldn't feel the pain and she admired her brother's talent that she so desperately lacked. The only thing she could even claim to be his equal in was cooking, but she was proud of her little brother, loved him as much as she hated herself.

That's what it came down to. She hated herself. The day was supposed to have been perfect; it had held so much promise. She remained there where she had tripped, the damn field that practically mocked her heart and its lack of all things romantic, the reason she was sure Antonio, that sanguinosi gli, wasn't coming after her. Lovina wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up in a ball and cry, but she refused, she was stronger than that, she wouldn't let that bastard know she cared. She didn't…she didn't…so why did it feel like her whole world was gone and she had nothing left? She still had her brother and that was enough, wasn't it? Lovina hugged her knees to her chest and looked at the sky, willing it to answer her silent questions, begging for some sort of answer that would come from somewhere else as she remembered how the day started and tried to figure out what had gone so wrong.

_Lovina squinted her eyes as the morning sun blared through the window disturbing her sleep and blinding her. Damn, it was way too early to be waking up. _

"_Lovi~, wake up mi tomate," Antonio called to her from the doorway._

_Her eyes snapped open. Oh shit, if he came in he would find out she was most definitely not a he, why oh why had her brother convinced her it would be good to have feminine nightwear? Why had she decided to wear it while she had stayed the night with the damn tomato bastard! Shit, she hadn't been thinking last night, how much wine had she actually had?_

"_Chigi! Get out of here you idiota tomato bastard!" she screamed using her 'male' voice and throwing a pillow at the unsuspecting Spaniard's head. "Knock before you enter someone's room!"_

"_But Feli…" the Spaniard's eyes widened as he realized he had just made a mistake._

"_Get the fuck out Spain! I'm not my brother, idiota! How dare you call me by his name you useless tomato bastard, he's not even fucking here!" Lovina was beyond pissed off, yeah she knew he preferred her brother, but he didn't have to make it obvious. She ignored the pain in her chest as she was reminded that the man she loved preferred her brother, wanted her brother more than he wanted her._

_She didn't bother getting up immediately when the door closed. Her insecurities were there, tangible, living just beneath her skin trying to pry their way to the surface, but she was not weak. No, Lovina Vargas was the strong, independent, human representative of South Italy and she would not break down because of something so trivial. She didn't matter, not to Grandpa Rome who had told her she would be the shield for Feli because he was weak, not to the nations who fought over Italy and only wanted her dear Feliciano, not to big brother France, and most certainly not to the Spanish bastard who got stuck with her, who had tried to trade her for her brother. Even to herself she didn't matter, but she wanted to, just once she wished she could be selfish, but she loved her brother more. Her brother would be safe with Spain, Antonio could protect him, make him safe, even if it would hurt her, if it was for her brother she could stand it. Antonio was nothing like that bastard Germany, the stupid potato bastard who forgot his time as Holy Roman Empire and left her brother crying because of his 'death'._

_Lovina couldn't stand to see it again. The pain on sweet Feli's face as they had gotten news that Holy Rome had died, the light that died out in Feli's eyes, the sadness he had tried to bury so no one would know how much he was affected, but Lovina knew, always, always, Lovina Roma Vargas could feel her twins pain and knew. She couldn't watch him fall apart again, couldn't watch him hurt himself for a man so unworthy. She knew the Germanic nation was loyal, caring, and protective, but if he ever left she knew her brother would not survive another betrayal. Besides if there was one thing she was sure of it was that Antonio would choose her twin over her any day, because to him she was always second best. She couldn't clean like Feli because she still hadn't completely healed from old war wounds that she shouldn't have, she couldn't sing like Feli or dance like him or paint, but she was smarter, she could do architecture and strategizing and while her painting had been terrible she could sketch._

'_Just for today,' Lovina decided as she bound her chest and dressed in her usual military uniform, 'I'm going to be selfish. I'll tell that Idiota Spaniard I love him and then, if I have to, I'll give him up. I'll make today a perfect day for the two of us.'_

_That thought firmly stuck in her mind, she actually made her bed before leaving the room, leaving no evidence of her being female. She made her way down stairs where she could hear that idiota Spain talking to someone on the phone and moved into the kitchen so she could cook, no way was she letting the damn tomato bastard cook breakfast, he'd try to make her eat all sorts of vegetables. _

"_Mi querida, are you making breakfast?" asked the surprised Spaniard as he entered the kitchen._

"_Not for you, you stupid tomato bastard, and I'm not your darling," she said flustered and too embarrassed to admit it._

"_Si, si, mi tomate, you're so cute like this," Antonio said, grinning as his little Italian flushed a darker shade of red, becoming much more like the tomato Antonio called her._

"_Ch-chigi! I'm not your's!" Lovina said frustrated, knowing just how flushed she was because the stupid smooth talking idiota Spaniard was so near she could practically feel his warmth while she cooked as he got closer._

"_You'll always be mine," he said as he wrapped his arms around her stomach and put his head on her shoulder. He was surprised when she did not push him away or deny him again, but let it go, content to remain as he was while 'Lovino' cooked._

_She felt flushed and heated, his nearness making her unbearably comfortable, she knew she should push him away, refuse him like she always did, but she had already made up her mind. Lovina was content to remain as she was, because this would be the only time she could. Breakfast was a surprisingly quiet affair, the idiota Spaniard not saying anything, just staring at her in mild curiosity. Lovina mentally snorted, 'He's probably thinking I'm going pazzo.'_

_Even as she cleaned up she remained silent, not voicing her usual protests or yelling at Antonio and he stared at her more, trying to find something, see something, that would explain his 'Lovino's' behavior. Her jaw clenched as he watched her, it was unnerving, and he usually never gave her so much as a second glance and would go off to his office to work until it was time for them to have their daily siesta. _

"_Is there something you need, idiota Espana?" 'Lovino' asked glaring at the man who's stupid perfect hair with his stupid pretty gem-like green eyes was still standing and staring at her as though he had never seen her before. _

"_No, mi querida, just thinking," he said smiling before going off to do his work._

"_Chigi, stupid tomato bastard and his stupid smile," she muttered, never noticing the soft smile that graced her own lips as she returned to cleaning._

"_Ve~, Lovi~! I'm here, fratello~!" Feliciano called from the front door he threw wide open, with the damn potato bastard following silently behind._

"_What are you doing here, idiota! You aren't supposed to be here until tomorrow and you were supposed to come without that damn potato bastard!" Lovina yelled, frustrated with her stupid brother and his forgetfulness._

"_Ve~, don't be mad Roma, Ludwig protected me! He's big and strong and he's always saving me! He just wanted to make sure I got here safe! Besides, you said today, not tomorrow," Feliciano said, looking as helpless as a lost puppy._

"_Feli, how the fuck are we related again, fratello?" Lovina said in a patronizing tone. "I said tomorrow, you weren't listening were you! What were you doing when I was on the phone with you, making pasta?"_

"_Ve~, how did you know?" asked Feliciano. "Are you psychic fratello? You never told me~…"_

_Lovina face-palmed before rubbing her forehead tiredly and gesturing them into the house "Just come in and let's get this over with. Potato bastard, I'll speak with you first in my room. Fratello, why don't you go make some pasta, it's almost lunch and then siesta."_

"_Okay fratello! No hurting, Gemany~," said Feliciano as he rushed off to the kitchen to make his favorite food._

"_I'll be fine, mein schatz," Germany called out to his lover._

_Lovina sighed as she watched her brother run off to the kitchen and start singing, an almost fond look in her eyes as she motioned the German to the room down the hall. He sat in the chair near her bed, shifting uncomfortably as she sat on the edge. She didn't want to take Feli's happiness but she needed to make the Germanic nation see sense. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed, this would be the hardest thing for her to do, because Holy Rome wasn't Holy Rome and Germany had no idea of that part, he had no idea that he would hurt Feli again whether he chose to stay or leave._

"_I hadn't planned on talking to you, damn potato bastard, but you need to know some things, and then depending on that I'm going to try to convince Feli to stay with Espana," Lovina said shortly. "You, Germany, Ludwig, were once a very important person to Feli in childhood, due to war you have forgotten who you are, damn potato bastard. I should **not** be the one telling you any of this, but I want my brother safe and I feel it would be best if he remains here with Antonio."_

"_You can't make that choice for him, nor can you tell me what to do," said the blond-haired nation, his blue eyes narrowed at the other nation who had not changed in posture since they had gotten there. It was unusual; normally the other nation was cussing him out and threatening him._

"_Things change, you idiota Germanic potato bastard, all the time things are changing, the world is changing, and you need to remember who the fuck you were," Lovina said irritated. "Think about it, before you grew into your new body, a long time ago when you were a child, before Prussia found you, who were you?"_

"_I don't know," stated Germany, "but I know who I am now and I know that I care for Feliciano a great deal. As long as he's happy it doesn't matter if it's with me or someone else, but neither you nor I have the right to make that judgment."_

_Lovina hissed, "You would think that wouldn't you, you bastard, just ignore the fact that the first time you left him you made a promise you didn't keep, ignore the fact that the past is important and you broke a lover's oath, ignore the fact that everyone who cared about the you from long ago suffered because they think you are dead and you can't remember."_

"_Vhat are you talking about?" asked Ludwig, perplexed by the unprecedented response from the older twin._

"_Think, Ludwig. Who were you? Who were you before Prussia took you in and raised you? Where did you come from?" Lovina pushed, trying to break the dam of memories Ludwig struggled to remember, not realizing she had fallen into using the bastard's name._

"_I was…"Ludwig struggled as the memories slowly broke free in a flurry, overwhelming him, his answer coming out as he lost consciousness, "Holy Rome…"_

"_Finally," Lovina sighed in relief, progress had been made. Now he could make a choice, now she could tell him her own and she could do so without guilt. If this man truly loved her brother he would make the right choice._

_Germany woke up with a headache, the new memories pierced his heart, he had forgotten his Chibitalia, the one he had come to love again. The fact that he had fallen for the same person twice was shocking, but he knew he could never love anyone but the sweet Italian boy who held his heart so completely._

"_You're awake," Lovina said, sipping a Spanish blend of tea sitting on the chair to the side of the bed. "Now, you and I will have a real talk, not like my poking and prodding before. You need to leave Feli, I'm not saying this out of spite or because I don't like you. I know your character, you are a good nation and man, but you will only hurt Feli. I want you to convince him to stay with Espana."_

"_Nein," Ludwig said petulantly. "I love him; I would stay by him and be his protector."_

_Lovina smirked; she had counted on that reaction. "Even from me, could you do it? If I hurt him, could you promise to keep him safe and not let him go, never allowing anything I might do cause him to suffer?"_

"_Ja," said Ludwig. _

"_What if you are the one to hurt him? Could you protect him from yourself?" questioned Lovina._

"_Ja," he said again. He would prove it if he had to._

"_Then tell him who you are or let him go," said Lovina. "Regardless of what you do today, you will eventually hurt him as either yourself or Holy Rome. The first time you left he believed you were still alive, still does, possibly knows but is unsure, but when he thought you were dead he almost died. You took him with you, he wouldn't eat, he refused to sleep, he cried for hours and nothing I did could console him. I'm not about to let that happen again. I love my fratello, I don't want to see him like that ever again. I don't want to watch him waste away. I made my choice, I won't be staying here after today or with my fratello, there's something I have to take care of and I don't know if I coming back, I'm leaving the choice to you but whatever it is protect fratello, and if possible make sure the idiota Spaniard doesn't do something stupid."_

_Ludwig's eyes shined with unshed tears, but he was a strong nation, he would not show weakness and cry, he would be the man, the nation, they had all come to know and take it in stride. "I'll try."_

"_That's all I ask, now let's go check on my idiota fratello."_

_Lovina and Ludwig had finally come to a compromise on something, they could be friends, well at least tolerate each other for Feliciano's happiness. They both walked down the hallway and turned into the kitchen only to stare in shock. Antonio had his hands on Feliciano's waist and was kissing him. Lovina didn't know how to feel, but from the look on Ludwig's face she knew her face was probably the same, because it felt as though the world crashed around her. She wished that it would swallow her whole, bury her six feet under the ground, because her heart was useless, she would never love again, even as she whispered the words "Ti amo" and tore away from the room, out the front door and blindly ran, not hearing the shouts behind her._

"_Lovi!" Feliciano cried out to his sister, trying to make her see that is was a misunderstanding. "Come back fratello!"_

_Germany stared at Feliciano and could only say, "Ich verzhie du. Ich Liebe dich," before he too turned around and walked out of the house._

"I should be happy," Lovina whispered to herself. "Feliciano will be with the damn tomato bastard and I'll be free. I can do whatever I want and no one will care, not that they cared before anyways, but the tomato bastard had acted like he did. He pretended to love me. I should have expected this, I should have known…so why does it still hurt? Why does my heart feel so cold and yet burn as though to ashes?"

Her sobs echoed in the field where she had fallen, her heart crying out and to anyone who could hear her painful sobbing of heartbreak, they would know that she was lost, taken completely by despair and betrayal. She had just wanted one day for someone who at least acted like they cared to be completely hers. Had that really been too much to ask for? Apparently it had. Everyone talked behind her back, they thought she didn't know, couldn't hear the scathing comments or blithe remarks, but it was part of what you knew when you weren't noticed, like Canada and Prussia, Prussia only being noticed for his obnoxious behavior and need to be awesome while Canada never spoke up.

It shouldn't hurt this much, she had planned to leave anyway. She was so sure she could give up Spain to her brother, so why? Why was she falling apart? No, she couldn't think about it now, the others were probably looking for her, if they even cared. She got up and dusted herself off, heading to the nearest airport. Lovina looked around for a store and quickly bought feminine clothing, going to the nearest public restroom to change. She used a few barrettes and some make-up she was glad she had practiced with during her rebellious years when Spain was always gone and never around, using green contacts to finish the transformation. Now she looked like any other human. Unable to dispose of her old outfit and all the things it represented of who she was, she folded it and placed it within her bag, taking the next available flight out of the country, uncaring of where she was headed.

For the world meetings she would call her boss and give a report, never saying where she was during the time she was absent. She sent off her reports and did all the work she was required to do as a nation, but she felt empty, there wasn't much of a point to it, she had lost her reason to want to be a country and hoped maybe she could be human, if she signed over South Italy to either Spain or her fratello, she could, she would be able to live as a human and she would die as one too. Somehow that didn't sound all that bad.

During the months she had spent wandering around she worked making sketches and putting them under the alias she had created for herself. No one called her Lovi, Lovina, Lovino, Romano, or Roma; no they called her by her new name, Lina, sweet and simple Lina. She sold her sketches cheap and still made good money; she lived in a small apartment and had good neighbors. She even made a few human friends, people who saw her as _her_ and actually cared about her. It was so new, she felt free which was why she was sure she wouldn't mind living and dying as a human. Just maybe she could fall in love again and this time maybe she wouldn't feel betrayed.

She no longer knew how long ago it had been since she had left, no longer cared for that matter, she knew at the very least months had come to pass and she had to wonder how the others were doing. She bit her lip as she gave careful thought to who she could go to and talk to that wouldn't give her away, someone she could trust. England was out, because Arthur already expressed his displeasure at her missing so many meetings. America was out because he was a stupid, annoying bastard that couldn't keep his mouth shut. France and Prussia were out because they would immediately tell the idiota Spaniard. Greece didn't really seem to care, Japan was a mystery, didn't really know China, and Russia and the Baltic countries were out because Russia was creepy and the others lacked backbone.

Hesitating only for a moment she picked up the payphone and dialed Matthew's number, Canada was never noticed and she knew she could trust him. He would be able to keep her secret and would be willing to hear her out before saying anything.

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey, Canada, it's Romano,"_ she said, having almost forgotten to use her male voice.

"_Romano? Oh, thank God! Do you have any idea how worried everyone had been? You don't show up to meetings and your boss hasn't seen you in almost a year! It's like you vanished, Feliciano-"_

She cut him off, before he could say more. She loved her brother, but she didn't want to know, couldn't bring herself to hear about her brother and Spain, she might be able to tolerate the potato bastard but there were limits to that too. _"I don't want to know about my brother, Canada. I called you because I trust you not to tell anyone. I just wanted to know how everything has been and if any progress has been made at the world meetings."_

"_No, there hasn't. I'm honestly glad you remember me, most of the others forget."_

"_Yeah, I know. I didn't really forget you it's just that you are kind of hard to notice especially because you don't talk much. Besides I was in the same situation almost. Everyone always asked why there were two Italy's, they always said I was the more useless of the two, that I wasn't as important, it hurts but it gets better if you ignore it."_

"_Really?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_So, what have you been doing?"_ Matthew asked curious to know how the other country was surviving and living.

She didn't hesitate to start telling him. _"It's been so wonderful! I've been doing a bit of everything, there's so much that I've gotten to experience! I mainly work nearby the place I'm staying, but I've got a few friends that pay me to cook meals for them and I sell sketches. You won't believe how great it is to have friends that are always asking about your life and how you've been the day after seeing each other. It's beautiful here."_

"_So when do you plan on coming back?"_

There was that question, the only question she couldn't really answer, because she didn't know if she wanted to. Going back meant facing her fratello and Antonio and Ludwig. Going back would make it harder to give everything up. _"I don't know…I…it's just that I really like it here. There's no falsity. It makes things more real, everything here is more real. There's no pretending or worrying about the world or what we'll have to do if there's another war, there's no pain from knowing you might die because humans accept that they are all going to die at some point. I like being here, where I don't have to be troubled, because I'm free to feel what I want and do what I want and I'm not constantly telling off bastards or having to yell at the damn idiots who are around me."_

"_That's the first time you've cussed in this whole conversation. I think being away has helped you, hasn't it?"_

"_Yeah, it really has. I like it out here. I…Canada, I think I'm going to give up being a country…sign over my land to my fratello or Spain and be human so I can continue living like this and maybe be happy."_

"_You want to give up being a country?"_ he asked completely surprised. It was unheard of for any country to give up their land and be human. None had ever really gone that far, the older countries just faded away when their time was up, but to want to be human…that was something totally new.

"_Yes,"_ Lovina responded. It was a simple answer, in her heart she was actually quite torn because she knew what it meant to give it all up. She'd never see Feliciano or Antonio or any of the others ever again. She'd give up her memories of traditions and history that she had lived through and she would always feel incomplete, but how was that any different from how she was living now? She always felt that emptiness, that feeling of missing something and she didn't plan on doing anything about it because she was learning to be happy without it.

"_Why are you so willing? Won't it make the others sad? What of your brother and Spain?"_

"_They probably don't care. Besides, I finally found something that makes me smile. I'll give you the address so you can come alone, I'll show you, I'm begging you not to tell anyone, please see for yourself before you judge me and then maybe you will understand."_

"_Okay."_

"_Oh, you should prepare to be shocked,"_ with that said Lovina gave him her address and hung up the phone.

Matthew showed up in front of an apartment building three days later. It seemed crowded to him, like there would not be enough space to live comfortable considering the fact that he was used to the open spacious houses of the other nations that had a collection of history and important artifacts. Shaking himself out of his stupor he walked up the stairs and knocked on the apartment door.

Lovina quickly opened it up, smiling at the Canadian and ushered him in, giggling at the look of shock on his face. She had ear piercings now and was much more comfortable in her female attire, wearing a purple blouse and black skirt that accentuated her curves and her hair now fell to the middle of her back though the tell tale curl remained it looked like a natural part of her hair.

She threw her arms around him, "I missed you, Mattie!"

Coming out of his shock he returned her hug, slightly surprised by her more affectionate nature and the fact that Romano was actually a chick. "Hello, Romano, though I suppose that name simply won't do since you are obviously not a male. How did you manage to hide this?"

"Well, mio fratello knew and a doctor who always treated the wounds I got knew, but so long as I bound my chest and wore male clothes and deepened my voice no one seemed to notice which kept me safe as a country. Plus I wasn't exactly a model female I mean really, I cussed and practically fought with everyone," she said as she ticked things off from her fingers staring thoughtfully at the ceiling.

Matthew shook his head, bemused. "So what should I call you?"

"Well, my given name is actually Lovina Roma Vargas, but 'round here everyone calls me Lina. Short, sweet and simple."

"Why did you leave?" Matthew asked. He hadn't told anyone what he'd been planning to do nor had he told anyone of the phone call, but he had to know so that maybe he could tell the others. The nation before him, even as a female, he knew was a strong nation, not someone who was a coward that would take the easy way out. He had to know what could drive her to do something so drastic.

"Love," she whispered, her eyes shining with tears. She had thought she had finished crying over it, thought she had completely gotten over it, but sitting here and knowing he was going to ask, it still affected her.

"Love?" he repeated, unsure of how that had to do with anything as he had never known her to love anyone other than her brother.

"I love Antonio, but he loves Feli, who I walked into the kitchen with Ludwig and saw him kissing. I had finally given the relationship my blessing, I was going to just travel a bit and eventually go home, but that…seeing that hurt, you know?" she was telling him, trusted him, because he did know. Matthew loved Prussia, but Prussia was adamant about not being able to love anyone, said he was too awesome. It hurt to see his lover with any of his other lovers because it was as though their bond didn't matter in the least.

He could see tears trickling from her eyes, the sorrow and pain from such a betrayal killing her from the inside, but she was so happy to finally be moving on and just the mention of it practically brought her down again. He moved closer to her and held her, when she didn't move away he knew without a doubt she had changed, she would never be the same person she had been. She was still strong, but it was a different kind of strong and now he knew she was weak as well. He knew that she could love and that she was happier being independent, happier living as a human than a nation, he could understand why she would be so desperate to get away from everything that reminded her of her pain, even her brother.

"If you choose to be human…would you mind if I came to visit? Could I still come see you?" he asked. He wasn't going to try to change her mind. He wouldn't tell anyone else about her, because she had become a comrade, someone who shared his pain, and a friend, someone he could talk to unconditionally and would know how he felt and what he meant.

She brightened up at the thought, she hadn't thought to see any of them again, and that she'd never know how her _fratello_ was doing when she finally could ask. "I'd really like that Matthew. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Lina," he whispered gently.

Brightened by the prospect of still having a nation as a friend after becoming human, she decided it was time to get past the depressing shit. She had asked him to come so she could show him all the things she did that made it seem better, not be sad during one of the last times she knew she would see her friend.

"Let's go!" she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him along as she grabbed her sketchpad and purse along the way, smiling and laughing, never noticing the people following her and Matthew.

"_How dare he go off on a date and not tell the awesome me!" Prussia whisper shouted._

"_Mon ami, you do the same thing, did you not think it hurt your lover?" whispered France._

_Gilbert looked away guiltily. "No, but it doesn't mean he can do it to the awesome me. The awesome me has claims on his vital regions and no one else may have that privilege!"_

"_You can't stop him anymore than he can stop you, now let's follow along before they get away," whispered Francis._

"Lina! Slow down, I'm begging you!" Matthew practically yelled trying to catch his breath and keep up at the same time.

She looked at him, her eyes sparkling in mirth, "I don't need to. We're here."

He looked around, and a small, "Oh," escaped his lips as he saw the beauty of the park she had dragged him too. There were flowers of all sorts, a pond, some trees, and benches. The small dirt paths had flowers blooming on each side and the birds that flew overhead, it was beautiful, more than that it was peaceful and calming, a place to be yourself and not care about the world around you other than the beauty that stood before you.

"It's perfect, isn't it?" she said wistfully. He eyes glazed over thinking of the place she once had thought the same thing about, the place where it had been her and Spain and the tomato fields and other fields that just went on endlessly. She loved places like this. They helped her relax and it stilled the chaos in her heart, she could almost be whole here. Almost.

"It really is perfect," Matthew said, sighing in content. It had been a long time since he had experienced anything like the calming feeling of the earth that thrummed here in this garden park, it reverberated through him in echoes of time and waves of peace, something that hadn't been felt since the time he was a small country. He watched as Lovina, no she had a new name for herself, one that would carry her through as a human, she was Lina now, so he watched as Lina sketched couples with the park as a setting and sold a few pictures of animals and scenery from places far away and were destroyed long ago, places he wondered if she truly remembered before they gave way to the modern times.

Standing up and stretching with her arms over her head she offered her hand to Matthew and pulled him up so they could walk together. "The other day, when I called, I had to know how the others are doing, but I couldn't bring myself to ask. I wanted to know, but I was afraid, now though I think I can handle it."

Canada looked at her questioningly, surely she was lying about being afraid…but thinking about it she probably was, she had claimed that she had feelings for Spain and walked in with Feli's boyfriend to find the two kissing, so maybe she was afraid. Maybe she just didn't want to be hurt anymore. "Everyone is doing fine. Your brother has been worried about you though. He's still with Ludwig by the way."

Her head snapped up and looked over at him so quick he had to wonder if she had given herself whiplash. "What?"

"Feli is still with Germany."

"Why? I mean…I thought…he and Antonio? …but Germany? I don't understand…" she murmured trying to calm down and figure out what was going on.

"Spain has been depressed, doesn't eat much or say anything. He just stares blankly and only speaks when spoken to. It's kind of like he's a living doll."

"Please, Matthew, tell me you're lying, that it's not true," she begged, her eyes willing him to deny his own words, willing him to let her believe that everything was alright and keep what little happiness she had found here.

He wanted to. He wanted to deny his words and give her what she so desperately wanted and deserved, but he knew she was the only one who could save Antonio, she'd give up one happiness for another, she could have her love if only she would let herself, but she had worked so hard for this happiness she had built for herself, a happiness she had spent nearly a year creating so she could heal and by the looks of it she had, she was healthy, all her wounds that he knew once plagued her were healed…except for the wounds of her heart.

"He needs you Lina, Lovina," whispered Matthew. "He needs your warmth and smile, your laugh, your stubbornness, he needs you to be there to yell at him and tell him how stupid he is, and he _needs __**you**_. I know it's not my place, but everyone is worried, he's giving up. Even England thinks he's going to just waste away."

"I…Do you know what you're asking me to do? What I'll have to give up?" she asked him, looking despondently at the ground already knowing what she'd have to do. That she'd have to bring everything to an end and stop it.

"I'm asking you to come to a world meeting. If things don't work out, then that's that. Just one, that's all you have to do and then you can make a choice," Matthew said patting her on the back and rubbing small circles on her wrist with his thumb.

"Okay…okay," she whimpered. "Just one…will you…could you meet me before? Walk in with me so I'm not alone?"

"Yeah, I won't let you go it alone," he whispered as they walked back to her apartment. She made the two of them dinner, for once not talking about her friends or anything important, they talked about themselves and their lives and how they had fallen for such idiots, and they laughed like old friends, not caring for anything else.

"Hey Canada," she said suddenly, halting him in the doorway.

"Yes, Lina?"

She smirked at him mischievously before asking, "Should I show up as Romano or _me_?"

His eyes glinted as well, the chance to pull one over on all the nations and get back at them for years of not remembering and the times they took advantage of him. "Come as _you_ after all, what better way to make an impression, no?"

"_Si_," she replied more than happy to comply with the grand idea. "I'll see you soon. Take care, Matthew."

"You too, Lovina," he said smiling. For once it was good to be the nation no one noticed besides Prussia, he could have fun with the new Lovina and he had made a friend to last him what he was sure would be longer than a lifetime if all went well.

Days passed quickly and soon enough it was the day of the World Conference meeting. Lovina nervously stood in front of the mirror, a simple red dress with long sleeves that fell to her ankles with a slit on her left side trialing up to her thigh, her contacts left out and her amber eyes gleaming with mischief, a touch of mascara and eyeliner and red lipstick accentuating her features, her brown hair was pulled back in a half-up half-down style curls gently tracing the sides of her face and bangs loosely swept to the side. She wore black heels that tied around he calves in a roman fashion. Over all she thought she looked pretty good and had managed to disguise the tell-tale curl fairly well by curling other strands of hair.

A sharp knock on the door informed her of a guest, she quickly slid on a black jacket and grabbed her black purse, opening the door to reveal Matthew, but not as he usually was. No, this wasn't the Canada who was laid back and would feel great wearing jeans and a sweatshirt, this was a Canada dressed to impress, and she was. The tailored lines of the black suit fit him well and the glasses that made him look like America made him look sophisticated, he was the type of man human women dream about and spend their lives searching for to make their life seem perfect like a fairytale. In a joking fashion he gave an elaborate bow and offered her his arm saying, "Mademoiselle, I'd be honored to accompany you for the day."

She smiled as she put her hand on his arm and said, "Sir, I'd be delighted."

They laughed as they walked down stairs to the car that would drive them to the World Meeting, the driver suitably impressed by the young woman whom his host had picked up to attend the elaborate affair. "Will I be driving the two of you home, sir?"

"No, no, we'll make our own way back; in fact we probably won't be leaving until late. I'll pay you when we arrive and that'll be that," Matthew said, smiling as he and Lovina talked about what they had been doing the past few days.

The building to the World Conference Meeting had never seemed as big as it did now, as imposing as it stood so tall and grand. Lovina felt maybe she had spent too much time with the humans, because this was something she was no longer used to, not the elaborate buildings or huge homes with tones of room that held artifacts of history or the large empty spaces that needed to be filled, she had been content with just the small area she had and it was unnerving to realize the difference, that she wished she could live the simple life she wanted.

She clutched Matthew's arm tighter, her eyes frantically searching hoping they wouldn't be seen just yet, she sighed in relief when she realized they were actually going to be the last ones there. "Thank you, Matthew; you're really doing a lot for me. I'm glad you are my friend, my best friend."

Matthew blushed, but smiled as he led her into the building, being gentlemanly and opening doors for her, treating her as though she were a jewel, and for today she was. She was his jewel, his friend that he knew he would always be able to talk to about anything and everything no matter what happened today, because they were kindred, two souls who knew each other's pains and lessened each other's burdens.

No one noticed the door open to the room where they would hold their 'world changing' meeting, they were too caught up in their own conversations to notice Lovina walk in with Canada or see them taking their seats and begin their own conversation. Germany's eye was twitching, what the hell was wrong with the others? Was it really that difficult to take their seats and shut up so they could actually get some work done?

"Can't you all just shut up?" Ludwig shouted. "We're here to discuss the problems of the world, not argue like children! Now call the damn role and make sure we're all here so that we can speed up the damn meeting!"

Lovina took note when Canada said he was there but no one noticed and continued speaking with him in hushed whispers, until she heard, "South Italy?"

"Yo, hamburger bastard," she called patronizingly, causing everyone in the room to turn towards her and Canada.

"Who's the babe and where's South Italy?" asked America, totally confused.

"_Mon ami_, Mathieu, how could you not introduce such a pretty rose to your _papa_? Have you no heart?" asked Francis.

"You're the bitch who was on a date with _my Matthew_!" shouted Gilbert, causing everyone to look at him completely stunned, having had no idea that he was with Matthew and the fact that for once he hadn't referred to himself as awesome.

That did it, Matthew and Lovina looked at each other, their lips twitching into smiles before they both started laughing. It was absurd, them on a date? Yeah they were good friends and could talk to each other, but they would never be more than siblings or something, they could never see the other as a lover.

"Shut the fuck up you unawesome bitch! It's not funny! Matthew belongs to the awesome me; you have no right to take him!" Gilbert shouted, unable to contain his anger as he was further riled up.

That made her stop short, Gilbert just said Matthew was his and nobody else could have him. Who was he to say that when he went around trying to claim other's vital regions and had sex with whoever he wanted. She glared at him before yelling, "Vaffanculo, Gilbert! Matthew can decide on his own who he wants to be with and you have no right to interfere, especially since the _unawesome_ you is always fucking around with someone else. If you don't love him then he has every right to find happiness without you!"

"That still doesn't explain who the fuck you are, bitch," Gilbert growled out.

"He's totally like right, you know? We like have no clue who you like are or like why you're here," said Poland.

"You are like a rose, very beautiful but you have thorns and your language dissuades from your beauty," said Francis.

Lovina sneered and held up her hand to silence Matthew who had been about to defend her. "Shut the fuck up France, I'm not a pretty little whore to fall into your bed or be wooed by your so-called charms, fucking wine bastard. America, you idiota, I am South Italy. Close your fucking mouths before they start catching flies, cause that'd be pretty fucking gross."

As if nothing had happened she turned back to Canada and continued telling him about the park and how she had started the idea, "So, when I moved there it was pretty much just a neighborhood, and then I got bored and saw an area that was just marked for government property, but it was all trashed, so I petitioned the government and asked to have the plot of land to create a public park, I bought the flowers and created the pond myself, the trees I asked some guys I met with Liz and Bri to help me with, soon enough…"

As she continued telling Matthew all about her project the meeting room had fallen completely silent and everyone was staring at her. Feliciano finally got up the courage to stand up and walk over to her. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he just asked, "Sorella, is it really you?"

Stopping mid-sentence in her explanation to Canada she turned to look at her brother. She hissed at him and said, "_Si, idiota fratello,_ clearly I am me after all these years. Did you think I'd hide forever or that I'd always be there? Not that it matters. This is my last meeting. I'm signing over the rest of Italy and I'm going to go away for good this time."

"But…but what about the people here who care-"

Lovina hissed again, he was really pissing her off with his words. They didn't care, they didn't look, and they had no right to interfere with her happiness. "Don't you dare say it _fratello_," spitting the words as though it were the most vile poison in the world. "Don't try to pretend, don't you even dare. They are not my friends, these people here, do not _care_ about me nor do they love me. I'm so happy when I'm not here, I'm finally free and you want me to give up my happiness for this, all the fighting and pain, the land that doesn't recognize me for who I am and you, my _idiota fratello_, who still has no idea what the fuck I gave up because you are always happy and carefree and so fucking lively and optimistic. Tell me why the fuck I should give up something that I found that finally makes me happy, makes me smile and laugh, makes me feel like I'm worth _something_? Give me one good reason."

"Ve~, Germany, _sorella_ is being mean," Feliciano cried to Ludwig who was watching with interest.

"Feliciano, you knew Romano was female?" Ludwig asked still trying to get over the fact that the brash young man he had seen was actually a brash, fiery young woman.

"_Si~_, _sorella_ and I decided that she should hide her identity as female so other nations wouldn't assume she was weak or try taking advantage of her," Italy said while smiling. "Her name is Lovina Roma Vargas, otherwise known as South Italy."

At this point Antonio got up, his shock wearing off. "Lovi, _mi querida, lo siento, mi Lovi, mi soles, te amo._ I missed you."

"_Bugiardo_," Lovina snarled out. "Not that it matters _Espagna_, I have already stated why I am here, Italy will be one Italy and I will go away forever. I'll no longer be a nation, I won't even be myself. I'll be human, a very happy human. Hopefully this time I'll fall in love with someone who loves me enough…"

Her words trailed off as she thought about what it was she wanted, it was eerie how she knew she wanted someone who would shower her with affection just for being herself, someone who wouldn't mind her attitude and would take it all in stride, but mostly someone who would be there for her from the beginning to the very end when she would finally die from a hopefully peaceful life, someone who loved her enough just to stay with her.

"_Te amo, Lovi. Por siempre. No importa lo que pase_," whispered Antonio, his gem-like green eyes shining desperately trying to make her understand, pleading with her to give him a chance to explain himself, to give him another chance in her life.

"_Bugiardo_," Lovina said again stubbornly. She had no reason to believe this man that had betrayed her with her own brother just as he had no right to plead with her. She could feel the pain reemerge, the pain she had tried so desperately to heal and let go of while she had been away, he was tearing down the walls she had built to protect herself and she wanted to give in.

Matthew held her hand and began to rub small circles again, knowing it helped to calm her. "Lina, perhaps it is enough for today? You just have to sign some papers right? I'll take you back home and you won't remember anymore, right? You can be happy? Do you want to leave? Or do you want to hear him out? This is the only chance you'll get right?"

"_Grazie_, Matthew," Lovina sighed. "You are right; I suppose I should hear him out, because this is the only chance for me to know the truth before I give it all up."

"Perhaps this should be more of a private conversation," said Ludwig as he and Feliciano moved to either side of Antonio and Lovina.

"For once, I agree, you damn potato bastard," she said in a voice that was strangely fond, not mocking as everyone had expected. Ludwig nodded and they took the conversation to another room quite a way from the others.

She sat down in a chair as the others stood. When no one broke the silence, she decided it was enough and spoke, "If you have nothing to say and aren't going to talk, then why am I here? I honestly just want to sign the papers and get this over with so I can live a _happy human_ life. There's really no point in me staying around anymore now that it's proven none of you need me, not like Ludwig ever really needed me around, he just put up with me for _fratello_ in the same way _Espana_ only put up with me…"

Her words trailed off, they didn't need to know and it no longer mattered because the minute she signed away herself, the lands that she was connected to, she would no longer be a nation, would no longer remember and it caused her a slight amount of pain to know they would forget her too. It was only after she had told Matthew he could remain her friend she remembered that technicality, because that would be the true meaning of what it meant to give everything up for just a chance at the happiness she so desperately wanted.

"I don't know where to start," admitted Antonio.

Lovina quirked an eyebrow, "In this case humans say that the beginning would be a good place, but being what we are that's not quite what we're looking for, so how about we start with you wanting to trade me with my brother when I was younger? No? Maybe when you practically abandoned me to go play pirates with England because apparently anywhere was better than with me…no, I've got it, let's start with when you began to pretend to love me even though you've always made it clear you liked my brother more. That should be as good a place as any, because apparently you've never been told that it hurts someone more to find out the truth when they start to believe the lie."

Antonio shuddered and flinched while the other two shifted uncomfortably. This was not a Lovi he was used to; there hadn't been a single cuss word, just a cool observation that felt as though his whole world was freezing over. This Lovi was unpredictable, was like dealing with fire, and she was everything he wanted and more. The fact that he now knew without a doubt she didn't believe him, that she had heard about things he had done so long ago when she was just a child, he knew it had probably affected her very deeply and that was why she wouldn't trust him. He honestly knew that she felt she couldn't trust him, and he felt perhaps she was right not to, because the way she said things he would be the one to make her fall apart completely.

His mind wandered back to the last time he had seen her, he had frozen at the entrance of the two having been in the middle of kissing Feli who he had thought was his Lovi, he heard her say the words he had only ever dared dream of hearing her say before as she turned and ran with tears falling. He vaguely heard her brother calling out after her, the blood rushing to his ears as he realized his mistake and chased after her the same as Feli called out to Ludwig to make the man understand what had happened. It had taken months for them to fix their relationship after clearing the air of everything including Germany's past and the fact that Lovi had given their relationship her blessing with a few promises having been extracted from the German man, true the man still wouldn't let him anywhere near Feli without a glare and subtle warning, but it was progress.

Antonio had no idea how long he had been out there chasing after Lovi before realizing it was too late and Lovi had completely vanished. Lovi had not been anywhere near the places he thought would be the first gone to, he caught no sight of his beloved little _tomate_ anywhere, too late he realized his Lovi was gone and wasn't coming back.

"_Sorella_, it was a misunderstanding," said Feliciano. "Antonio thought I was you, he really, really loves you. Don't you remember all the times he's said it?"

Lovina snorted. "I remember, but he says it to everyone. I can't believe him just based on that. Besides if he really loved me he'd have known the difference between us and known it was you that day, not me. So I don't know that he loves me. Not really."

Antonio felt his heart sink hearing those words. How could he prove his love for someone who stubbornly believed he didn't, how could he shower her with attention and affection without her doubting him in some way? He admitted she was right, he should have known, but he had been so happy that she hadn't been pulling away from him that day, that she had let him get away with a few affectionate gestures that he had thought she was finally realizing how truthful he was being and was starting to accept that maybe she had loved him back even if he hadn't known that she was female at the time.

"How can I prove it?" asked Antonio, distraught and saddened by his love's unforgiving demeanor. "Tell me what I should do to prove my love, to show you I love only you and have wanted only you for so long? What must be done for you to give me, us, a chance?"

She tilted her head, giving the question thought and turning it over. He was being sincere, of that she could tell, but could she really give him another chance, having given him so many could she really do it again? What if it only led to disappointment, what if…there where so many what ifs…so many possibilities, she honestly didn't know how to answer because she wanted to say yes and give it a chance just as much as she wanted to say know so she wouldn't have to face possible heartbreak. She nodded her head, deciding she should, because she honestly wanted to know if they could be together, if he could love her as she did him. He would get one more chance, but this time on her terms.

"I will allow you to court me, however you must make your intentions known to me among the humans I currently live with," she said decisively. "You will meet me where I live and we will go out for a month. There will be rules such as not cheating on me or doing things I don't like, but other than that it will be treated as a test. This is a chance you asked for and I will give it, so I won't be signing over Italy today, but if in a month I am still unhappy I shall."

Antonio nodded his head in agreement. It was fair and she was giving him a chance at something he never thought he'd get. He had initially thought she would only allow a few dates, but she was allowing him to _court _her and that brought a whole new meaning to intent. It meant she was going to allow him to ask for her hand in marriage, that he would become her husband should she so agree.

"So, when will we start?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," Lovina said. "Oh, and call me Lina. You'll have to have Matthew take you to my place. Tell stupid Prussia if he doesn't do something soon he might lose Mattie forever."

Having said her piece she walked out the door and left, leaving the others to turn over her words trying to piece them together, it wasn't everyday a country made such an announcement that they were going to stop being a country if they messed up. It was a terrible stipulation, but it made the point of what they were doing much more meaningful, gave them a reason to fight for her to stay and made them know that things had to go right, because if they didn't they'd lose more than a fellow country, they lost a friend, a sibling, and a love that was part of them. In war it hurt them, because if one of them died they were losing people they grew up with, knew their whole lives and spent so much time with. It was watching part of them die and this would be no different.

The next morning Antonio found himself with Matthew, Gilbert, Feliciano, and Ludwig, walking towards an old fashioned apartment building. To be honest they were all surprised, though Matthew seemed to be the only one comfortable with it, he understood what Lovina had been doing, she wanted them to see her as she was _now_ so they'd stop seeing her as who she had been. He didn't so much as hesitate as he walked up the stairs leading the others to her room and knocking on the door casually. He chuckled slightly as he heard a thud, a light yelp, and heard her call, "Just a sec! I'll be right there!"

She opened the door grinning, "Sorry, sorry, I'm in a bit of a rush," she said leaving the door wide open and rushing to the other end of the room, papers everywhere and books scattered across the room in piles of what could only be called organized chaos. She ran around grabbing her sketching materials and her purse, dressed in jeans and an off the shoulder black top that stopped just above her naval, revealing a naval piercing she had gotten quite a few months ago causing them to stare. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she had already had on a light coat of make-up, only glancing a moment to look in the mirror to see her earrings before pausing, a strange look crossing her face as she went to one of the drawers and grabbing a ring and sliding it onto her right hand's ring finger.

"Right, off we go, to my job, Mattie!" she said excitedly pulling him along to the park where she had take him the first day. She was so used to this being part of her job, she easily fell into her routing, ignoring Prussia, Antonio, her brother, and her brother's lover, the damn potato bastard who she could now say she was on decent terms with because she had come to an understanding with him. She pulled out her materials and began sketching, losing herself to the world around her as she sat there making picture after picture and couple after couple asked for portraits, she quickly agreed to and would sell for small amounts easily affordable. By the time lunch came around she had already sold five sketches of couples and six others of scenery, earning a total of roughly two hundred dollars in just that morning.

The peacefulness of the scenery was disrupted by the shrill ringing of her cell phone, she hurriedly searched her purse for the damn inconvenience, easily misplaced thing, hurriedly answering, "Hello, this is Lina, whatcha need?"

She stayed silent listening to the person on the other line before saying, "Wait that was today? Oh, shit, I'm late! You waited just for this didn't you! Damn it, I'm on my way just delay them for a few minutes!"

Lovina hung up the phone and turned to the gathered group of misfit countries. "I have another job to get to, so if you plan on spending the day with me try to keep up because I won't be able to help you if you get lost."

She turned away from the group and set off in a dead sprint to her next job, only her brother and Germany keeping up with Antonio a little ways behind them, Prussia had stopped Matthew and held him back to discuss what he knew they should only speak of to each other, because they did have to work out their own issues. Besides, Gilbert reasoned, it's really a family issue and we're just tag-a-longs.

She slammed open the door making an entrance and spoke in a sing-song voice, "I'm here~! Worry not, my butterfly for I shall soon have the wonderful lunch ready for us and our guests!"

Lovina's friend's head snapped to look up as soon as she heard the word guests. Lina had never brought guests to their weekly lunch before; normally it was just Eric, Bri, Tyler, Lina, and herself, Liz. Elizabeth stared in shock at the handsome men that walked in behind her friend who was due to make them lunch, which would probably be pasta. She quirked her eyebrow, "What gives Lina? Who are the hotties?"

Lovina blushed at that, never really noticing that the countries could be considered hot or beautiful. "Ah, well, this is my twin brother Feliciano, his boyfriend, Ludwig, and this is Antonio."

"A~w, Lovi~, _mi tomate_ you're blush is as beautiful as ever," said Antonio, making her blush darken while she internally made notes on several ways she could kill the man for embarrassing her in front of her friends.

Elizabeth smirked at the newcomers; these people clearly knew lots about their ever mysterious and secretive Lina, so well that they knew how to make her blush. "My name is Lina, tomato bastard! Not Lovi! And you potato bastard, just because I called you Feli's boyfriend doesn't give you free reign to touch him in my presence!"

"So…how do you know our little Lina?" asked Brianna, curious to know about the men Lina had brought and how they had met the strange Lina who was ever changing, who could be bright and just as soon be depressed, whose sadness was overwhelming and who would space out lost in memories, a woman they had come to respect and admire for her creativity and learned to love just because of who she was even if she had come with a ton of curse words from varying languages when they first met.

"Ve~, I'm her brother, but we didn't meet until I got back from the journey Grandpa took me on when I was little and then we were separated for a very long time because of family reasons," said Feliciano remembering to keep it the same but different because they couldn't tell these humans they were countries.

"I met him when Feliciano introduced me to him when we became business partners," said Ludwig shifting uncomfortably. It was true enough, when Italy had formed an alliance with him was when Feliciano had introduced his older brother, which had turned into a hug therapy session, which he had to shake his head at the ridiculousness of it all. "Feliciano and I have a longer history."

Brianna and Elizabeth turned their heads to look expectantly at Antonio, Lovina was in the kitchen quietly chopping up ingredients for paella and pasta, she had even bought a bit of wurst for Ludwig she was going to make, but she too listened because she wanted to hear how Antonio would answer her friends who had quickly become an important part of her life. Eric and Tyler also stared at the man who had messy brown hair and green eyes, they had heard of him once when Lina had been drunk. She had said she'd grown up with the man and while he irritated the hell out of her she had loved him, loved him enough to give him up for her brother who she loved more and knew Antonio had as well. He was so important to her they wanted to know just how he felt for the friend they had sworn to protect, who had come to them so broken and was still healing.

"She grew up in my house when she was separated from Feliciano and spent several years there, while Feliciano grew up in Roderich's home," Antonio began, knowing Lovina was probably listening as well. "She was clumsy, and couldn't clean, stubborn, rude, and so damn whiny as a kid," he said while smirking, remembering the times with fondness, "but she was also considerate and had no problem telling me that I was an idiot when I would come back hurt from Arthur's place or when I was drunk from outings with my friends Francis and Gilbert. She never says what she wants and will always say the opposite if she does, she likes tomatoes and enjoys a good siesta. I have been in love with her for years and she's never believed me but has given me a chance to court her, so hopefully by the end of this month she will agree to be my wife."

Lovina's blush did not go away as she continued cooking, the pasta and paella almost done, the wurst cooking off to the side while she paid more attention to the sauce and noodles than the other two dishes. When she brought them out she avoided looking in their eyes, specifically giving the paella to Antonio and wurst to Ludwig before giving her brother pasta. "I made different dishes, so you can get what you want," she said gesturing to the paella and wurst, along with the pasta as she grabbed her own plate of pasta.

"O~h, these people must mean lots to you, Lina, you've never done this before," said Elizabeth.

Tyler nodded in agreement as Eric commented how nice it was too have options for a change. Brianna looked at the other dishes carefully and said, "What are you guys, the stereotypes of the countries, a German who loves wurst, a Spaniard who clearly loves paella, and two Italians who clearly have a thing for pasta and pizza. In fact, I don't think you've ever made such a weird selection of food before, Lina."

Lina shrugged, choosing not to comment. It wouldn't do to say they are the personifications of the countries after all. "I'm used to it. I grew up knowing their likes and dislikes, after grandpa took Feli, I was alone for a long time and had to survive somehow. A wandering politician took me in and I learned about the politics of various countries, their languages, and the stereotypes in my spare time. Anything to make the guy proud of me and acknowledge that I was good enough to be with him, because I desperately sought attention, I was a child and I feared being abandoned again since my only family had gone away. When I met Feli again, I met Antonio, Roderich, Gilbert, Ludwig, Francis, Arthur, Alfred, Matthew, Elizaberta, Lilli, and a lot of others, learned what they liked and what they didn't. Just because I don't act smart doesn't mean I'm not."

Elizabeth's mouth hung open. "How can you even remember all that?" she asked incredulously.

"It was my life. It kept me safe, as long as I could learn, he protected me and the family lands that I had to look after as the only living relative next to grandpa and Feli, as long as I tried my best he gave me clothes and a bed, I tended my own garden for food though," she said thoughtfully.

They all stared at her. The other countries had known she had lived separately from Feli and Rome for a while, but they hadn't known what she had done during that time. She looked around at them curiously, surely it wasn't that unusual for the other countries, it was part of what they did while growing up, and while she had been alone the nice man had helped her until he passed away shortly before Feliciano's return. "What is it?"

"That's a really fucked up life," said Tyler. Eric, Bri, and Liz stared at her like they had never seen her before and her brother just looked clueless. Antonio stared at her in wonder and Ludwig looked calculating. What else did they not know about her?

"I never saw anything wrong with it," said Lovina thoughtfully. "I liked learning, the old man made it fun, he passed away shortly before Feli came back and grandpa disappeared. He taught me how to survive and gave me what I needed to know. At any rate, what did you all talk about while I cooked?"

They looked at each other and mutually decided not to tell her about Antonio's confession. "Nothing much, just asking how you all met."

"Yes, I hated potato bastard over there, though I suppose he was good protection from Francis," muttered Lovina.

"_Sorella_, that's not a nice thing to say about big brother Francis," said Feliciano. "Big brother was trying to help."

"The bloody pervert can sod off, and oh god I sound like Arthur," she said her eyes wide as she realized she had just sounded like the fucking Brit.

Antonio laughed at the comparison. "No, _mi tomate_," he said, making Lovina blush again, "You are nothing like Arthur, you are beautiful and can cook."

The nations shared a smile at that. "That's most definitely true, though I think Gilbert deserved what he got that day."

Antonio looked scandalized. "How can you say that, _mi querida_? Gilbert is one of my best friends and no one deserves to die by anything as horrid as Arthur's cooking."

"Wait, that's why he almost died, I need to go thank Arthur, then because Gil was becoming annoying with all his talk of being awesome and claiming other's vital regions. Good thing, Mattie was there to keep him in line," said Lovina.

The humans stared at her in shock, not quite understanding the conversation but knowing these people were bringing out part of Lina that they had never seen, something they wanted to see more of. Antonio was whining and Lina was shooting him down so casually, it was funny watching the two go back and forth, her brother looked at the two fondly and even Ludwig, who Lina called potato bastard, was smiling at the scene. Antonio and Lina were so engrossed in their argument they didn't notice when Feliciano and Ludwig dismissed themselves, politely saying goodbye and leaving a message for the two who still hadn't come to an agreement.

"Listen, I know you like him, but I don't," Lovina said heartlessly. "I could care less about how you, him, and that wine bastard Francis make up the damn trio, it's bad enough you are part of the trio."

"Hey, the Bad Touch Trio were together long before you and the others came into the picture," said Antonio.

Lovina's eyes glinted dangerously and only then did Tyler, Eric, Bri, and Liz notice her eyes were amber, smoldering amber quickly becoming darker in anger. "So if you had to choose between those friends of yours and me, you'd choose them because they were first right?"

She was just waiting for him to give her a reason to sign the papers, all she needed was one reason, for him to do something wrong in front of her human friends, and he would have to give her up. Yes, she still loved him, she would always love him, but he was always hurting her, always putting her second.

"No," said Antonio. "I'd choose you, but they are my friends. I've known them years longer than I'd known you, we grew up together."

"Yes, and I grew up only knowing you, as you who had never been home and left me alone in a giant ass house for what you called my protection, you who always gave my brother preference and did everything you knew would piss me off, because apparently you didn't care. I'm asking you to make up your mind. That is what this month is for, that and to determine if I stay with you and the others, but mostly so you can make up your mind. I don't want to return only to have it all be the same, I'm tired of it," she said, not caring that her other friends were there listening to the conversation that should be kept more private. "I love you, but it never seems to be enough."

She turned to her friends, "I'm sorry, today has kind of caught me off guard, I think it's best if I go home and talk to Antonio alone. I'll see you tomorrow for dinner, right? The diner place is where we're meeting, right?"

"Yeah," said Tyler as he watched the two. They were intimate in a way that was special, unique to them, but they didn't seem to realize it. They seemed oblivious to the atmosphere they created, but you could tell they were very much in love. The two just seemed to have issues, issues that went back to a time before they had met Lina, a time they couldn't touch and would never know unless Lina let them.

The couple walked out the door and left leaving behind Lovina's very intrigued friends. "I think he's good for her," remarked Brianna.

"That makes one of us," said Elizabeth. "I can't shake the feeling that there's something more to it than what they made it out to be. It was casual, but even though they love each other it seems like one of them will always do something to make things wrong. Their love will hurt them both before it heals them, if it heals them."

"I think they've already been hurt, but it looks like it's always Antonio's fault," commented Eric.

Tyler kept staring at the spot they had left from just moments ago, "I think they are going to fall apart without each other, but they will clash no matter how long they are together. It can only end in two ways, ruin or eternal happiness."

Antonio and Lovina walked back to her apartment, the silence was contemplative, nothing like the comfortable ones that fell before siestas. This was something they would really have to talk about. "Lovi, I had to go off and defend against England when you were little. You would have been taken if I had not, he wanted you."

"Then that would have made one person," snorted Lovina.

"Now, Lovi, don't talk like that. I grew fond of you, I love you, but you won't let me close to you," said Antonio.

Lovi stared at him, sitting comfortably on her living room couch, him seated beside her as they tried to talk about the problems of the past. Problems that should have been resolved long ago, before Lovi had left the first time or before she returned the second. "I am afraid," she admitted. "When I realized my love for you, and even now just because I love you, I am afraid. Nothing you do eases that fear, because my past tells me opposite. You say you love me but your actions in the past show otherwise. I want so desperately to believe that you love me and want me as much as I want you, but how can you? You're always making excuses and leaving me behind. Tell me, do you know how much it hurts to be left behind knowing you might die? If positions were reversed how would it have felt? Knowing I was going off to battle and might not be coming back but leaving you alone so you might live."

"I wouldn't like it," said Antonio. "I always came back Lovi, I always returned to you."

"Yes after leaving me alone for anywhere between months and years alone, after making me suffer uncertainty of not knowing if you'd be coming back," she agreed.

"Why can't you accept that I love you?" he asked, finally trying to bring things to what he believed was the heart of the problem.

She looked at him with a broken expression, her lips twisted in something between a sad smile and lonely sigh, "I can't accept it because every time you tell me, you don't mean it. You say you do, say it a thousand times over, but I'll always remember the one time you said you hated me. It feels like you truly hate me, so I tried to pretend and I went away after knowing about your Armada days and you trying to exchange my brother and I, and when I came back I pretended again, that I wasn't in love with you, that hearing those words didn't almost kill me, but most of all that you never said those words, that they never left your lips."

"I never said I hated you," said Antonio. He couldn't remember a time he did at least. He had always loved his stubborn little tomato, he had only wanted Feli because he was better at cleaning and was less likely to break his expensive things.

She shook her head sadly, keeping that lonely, sad smile in place. "You went out for drinks with the other two idiots, the bartender called me to pick you guys up and you didn't know I was there, I sent the other two home in the taxi and you told the bartender, you said, 'You know what? I don't want to go back home. I hate being with him all the time. It's like a drug, the more I'm around him the more I hate him.' When I made myself known the bartender just looked at me and gave me a pitying smile. I've never wanted to die so much in my life as I had then."

"Lovi, you know it's not true," started Antonio but he was quickly cut off, tears streaming down Lovina's face as she sobbed and shouted, "No I don't! I don't know that it isn't true because you always leave, you always go away, I'm always alone, and I'm so scared of being alone. I don't want to die alone. I'm scared of being alone. I'll bet you had no idea I'm afraid of storms, that every time you went off to fight and left me alone in the huge house, I had to call a doctor because I had panic attacks and couldn't breathe and almost died. I just want to be happy. Is it too much to ask? Am I not allowed to be happy?"

Antonio sucked in a breath, he hadn't known. He never gave much thought to all the doctor's bills he had had to pay for while he was away, chalking it up to Lovi's clumsiness and not giving it much more a thought, but to hear it was from panic attacks that nearly killed her at a young age, that was a hard pill to swallow, because he could have, should have, been there. "Lovi, I didn't know, I really didn't. If I had I would have stayed, I would have done everything right."

"No you wouldn't and even if you say it now we'll never know. That is something no one can know, what would have been," said Lovina, her eyes tired. She was tired, more than the other nations realized, sometimes she even felt tired of living. The wars were hard on her, scars littered her body, the pain that never seemed to go away and was a hollow echo in the land that she bore, they all marked her and no sooner would she be dead from it all, a hollow freedom in and of itself.

"Spain, you can't protect me, you have never been able to, and I would never want to be your burden more that I was. When you went away I was unprotected, left to fend for myself in the way the old professor taught me, but I have scars, from battles and fights, from that which hurt my country while you could not protect it. I felt it all and bear those marks," she said. She pulled her shirt off, flinching from the phantom pain of a scar on her shoulder, letting him see the scars on the top half of her body before standing up and pulling down her jeans, showing more scars, some a mere knick to the skin others had been cut deep like the one on her shoulder and on her thigh.

He stared at her body and made note of each scar. They were failures on his part, failures he never knew about, and knowing now made it worse. He wasn't worthy of her. Lovina, sweet Lovina, who never said so much as a word because she thought she was a burden, she who seemed to have forgiven him for not being there and always acting like an idiot, the Lovina he loved. He felt sick. He stood and kept his back turned to her as he left, never seeing the stricken expression on her face, or the tears that fell, never hearing the sobs that left her lips as she locked the door. She let herself collapse against the door and cried her heart out, completely sure that he could never love her, because he had gone again. She felt the hole that had been mending itself tear itself open with a vengeful force and she laid there broken for all the world, in just her undergarments.

Whatever light had been in her eyes vanished, her eyes becoming vacant. Her face felt dry, her lips were salty, she moved to the bathroom to wash her face. From then on it was routine. Her friends watched her, worried, they didn't know what had happened but whatever it was it had pretty much killed their friend. She wasn't alive anymore, she was a doll and from what they could tell she was going to die. For all that they loved her and wanted her back, they didn't know how to get her back, they didn't know what had happened. It wasn't until the two men who looked handsome and were smiling happily together came did they find out anything at all.

"Matthew," Lovina said, she stared blankly ahead, she tried to smile for him but all she managed was a grimace. "I see you and Gilbert are together now. Congratulations."

"Lovina," he whispered the smiles falling from his and Gilbert's face as they looked at her. Her cheeks were sunken, her eyes were red from constant crying, and she was thin. This was not what they had expected to find.

"What happened?" asked Gilbert, he may not care for Lovina, but Antonio did, and if this was what she looked like he could only imagine his friend.

Her friends gathered around her. "Back off, dude," said Elizabeth. "She doesn't have to tell you."

"No," Lovina said. "It concerns him, he needs to know. They both do, and I suppose you as well. Thank you for caring."

Lovina led them back to her apartment, it was best if they were in a closed environment with few breakable things when she told them what happened. They arrived and before she started talking the tears began to fall as she motioned them to the couches and she locked the door behind them. She kept her blind closed and turned on a light. She picked up a pillow and hugged it to her chest, choosing to sit next to Matthew who was her source of comfort as her rubbed small circles in her back.

"He left me again," was how she started, knowing the two countries would get it. "He hasn't come back; I don't think he will want to this time."

Her friends were downright pissed at the statement. Bri shouted first, "What? How could he? Weren't the two of you supposed to talk things out and make them better?"

Lovina nodded. "Yeah, we were supposed to. We did, until we got to talking about when he would always leave. He said he always came back and that much was true, but I always worried, I didn't know where he was, didn't know if he was alive or dead, and I was barely surviving myself those times he would be gone. Several doctor's visits mark my panic attacks and wounds from fights."

"Fights?" Matthew queried, knowing it could also mean battles. At her nod, he knew it must have been bad. Gilbert knew his friend was probably taking it hard too, especially if he hadn't known about her attacks and the fights. It was when she took off her shirt they all inhaled sharply, seeing scars that marked her body, and it was only the upper half. If she was so badly done up there just how bad was her lower body?

She flinched from the phantom pains from old scars and the cold that made her shiver. She remembered how close she had come to death from a few of them, the one on her shoulder being the worst, the one that she had only been saved from because of armor he had given her and had prevented her from being fully impaled. "I showed him the scars, he had a right to know everything, but he…he just left. He didn't say anything, just turned around and walked away…from me…I don't…"

Her tears fell as she sobbed and hugged the pillow tighter to her chest. Her friends were still trying to understand how she had survived so many wounds, but Matthew and Gilbert were upset on her behalf. Antonio had walked away, he hadn't shown any hesitation in leaving her, and he hadn't come back. Antonio had hurt her in a way not even they would be so cruel.

"I made my choice Matthew," she said quietly, it wouldn't do for the others to hear, only he and Gilbert would need to know, they could take the news back, she wasn't waiting until the end of the month anymore, she couldn't. "I can't do this anymore, I can't take this pain. I want to forget it all, because I can't stand knowing. I'll sign tonight and send them in the morning. Gilbert, I'm begging you not to tell him. No one will remember once it's done anyway, he won't remember me, and he'll be himself again, and I can try to be happy. Please?"

Gilbert reluctantly agreed, but he was determined to call France and let him know so he could warn Antonio. Antonio may be an idiot and he sure as hell didn't deserve Lovina right now, but he loved her, and Gilbert didn't want to see the two of them hurt much more.

Hours later, after she had already signed and faxed the papers over so they would come into effect at midnight, there was a knock on her door, she opened it and saw Antonio standing there, wet from the rain. He shuffled nervously, "Can I come in?"

She nodded her head and moved aside allowing him in. She figured she was dreaming. He hadn't come to see her since the day he left, and the only time she seemed to see him was dreams now. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like that, it's just…I saw those scars and it felt like I had failed. Any journey I went on to help you seems like it was a wasted effort because you have all those scars and it makes me feel like I didn't protect you good enough. You were right, that I never proved my love at all if all it got you was scars. I don't deserve you."

She moved toward him slowly, she wanted this dream to turn out right, where the others had failed, she put her hand on his cheek and stared him in the eyes. "You might think you don't deserve me, but I chose you. I love you. You keep leaving me, but it hasn't stopped me from loving you, idiot that you are I just seem to fall deeper in love and every time you leave it hurts a little more, I feel myself die a little more. Please don't leave me again."

Antonio wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her, she stood still in shock and slowly she began to move her lips with his, she began kissing him back. They were _feeling_ more than seeing what they were doing, because soon enough Lovina felt her back pressed against the bed Antonio was above her grinding into her and she was pushing back, sending tingles of pleasure between them, electric sparks flying as they frantically tried to get each other's clothes off. And soon enough they were naked before each other. Seeing each other's scars, fingers tracing, mapping each one so they could memorize the other and then Antonio was kissing hers, an unspoken apology with every kiss he lay on her bare skin over one of the scars, one of his hands cupped her bottom, the other gently kneaded a breast, making her moan and quiver in pleasure.

"Antonio, please Antonio, let me…let me…" but she couldn't finish the sentence because she soon as she started her had removed his hands and had placed one hand on her thigh, spreading her legs for him, with his fingers of the other hand at the place she ached most, a finger probing at the lips of her vagina. He hesitated, but she gave him permission by pushing herself against the finger. He added another and another and soon enough she was writhing in pleasure about to come but he removed his fingers.

Then she stopped him as he was about to place himself at her entrance. "It's my turn," she said a sly grin crossing her lips as she kissed his scars as well, giving to him the same treatment he gave her, the gentle care and teasing, lightly nipping the skin and licking and kissing every scar. She loved him, because he tried to be perfect for her, because he was meant for her and she loved him for who he was just as he did her. When she got to his penis she licked and stroked bringing him to the edge of his release before stopping. He moved her so she was beneath him again and lined himself up so he could enter her. The fact that she was a virgin he knew it would hurt, so he thrust in quickly and stilled to let her adjust.

She let out a small sound of pain that went away almost as soon as it came, maybe it had something to do with them being countries but either way she could feel all of him and she loved it. She wanted more so she squirmed and Antonio got the message, soon enough they were moaning each other's names in pleasure as they built a rhythm, thrusting and grinding against each other while kissing passionately. It was long before they both came, screaming the other's name in pleasure, before Antonio collapsed next to her, holding her to him.

"_Ti amo, Antonio,_" Lovina said.

"_Te amo, Lovina_," Antonio responded.

When she was sure Antonio had slipped into sleep she silently got up, she got her sketching materials and drew him, drew him in the state he was now, and when she finished she signed it Lina, putting an inscription at the bottom that read '_Even forgotten I love you and only you. I just wish it hadn't been too late._'

She hid the sketch in her top drawer before grabbing one of herself in color and putting her name at the bottom with the words, '_I'll always remember, even if I forget, my heart will remember. I love you._' She took it and hid it in his coat pocket, because he wouldn't remember, he would never know and if this had been real she wanted both of them to have something of it.

She crawled back into bed and slept on, never seeing him wake up and get dressed as he left again, she never saw him glance around completely confused as to where he was and look at her like he had never seen her before. It was a small grace that she hadn't seen any of it, because if she had, Lovina would have broken completely.

It was no shock the next morning when she woke up alone, the whole dream had seemed real, but she knew otherwise. Antonio wouldn't have really come to her for anything; he hadn't been back since the whole incident where she had shown him her scars. Lovina closed her eyes and cried into her pillow, desperately, hating that she still knew. She should have forgotten everything about them. The way she knew they had forgotten her, why hadn't she forgotten? It wasn't fair! Knowing was killing her, because now she couldn't go back, not that she could say she wanted to. It would be harder to go back and see when she already knew they couldn't remember her. She would live knowing, she would die knowing, and it stung.

She discovered that her experience with Antonio hadn't been a dream that morning. She went right back to her normal routine, remade the friends she had had before when she was a country, but she did not see the other countries as often. She saw them in passing glances and hanging around at bars or restaurants, but she never tried to get to know them. She smiled when she saw Feli and Ludwig or Matthew and Gilbert, laughed when she saw Francis flirting with women and get turned down or hit. A small part of her wanted them to remember.

By the time months had passed she knew she was pregnant. The female nations got their womanly cycle once a year, well she knew she did and was unsure of the others, so when she missed hers she knew she was carrying. She wasn't sure how she felt. She loved Antonio and wanted the child, or children, but she knew the father had a right to be in the life. It made her cry, she adamantly cursed the hormones running rampant in her body as she sat on the park bench crying.

"Are you all right?" a voice asked. She looked up and saw Matthew and she cried all the more. She nodded her head, but it most definitely wasn't enough for him to believe her. "Miss, come along, my boyfriend and I will take you home."

She shook her head. She didn't want to go home, she'd be alone and that was worse at the moment. Matthew was the same as he had ever been, kind and caring; he led her along to a small café off the corner of the street, Gilbert following quietly behind.

"Would you like to talk about it miss?" he asked.

Her tears slowly halted a warm cup of cocoa in hand as she nodded. She could tell him, it wouldn't be the same as telling him if he had known but it would be something at least; she could share the news with him. "I found out I'm pregnant. The guy, the father, he probably doesn't even remember me, I can't tell him. I just, I'm happy, but all the same I'm sad. It's a blessing, because neither of us thought we were capable of having children."

Matthew could understand that. "Then why so sad, miss? Should you not be celebrating and searching for the father?"

She shook her head. "I have no one, no family to tell, I have a few friends, but I plan on returning to my home in South Italy and buying a home to raise the child or children there. I swore no to look for the father, he and I…there can never be anything between us, not anymore," she said dismissively.

"So why are you here? I doubt it was to find a crying pregnant woman and help her," she said both curious and amused, though she was honestly just trying to change the subject to keep it away from herself for the time being. "I've never really seen the two of you in the neighborhood but I have seen you two around."

"Oh, yeah," said Matthew remembering. "We were looking for a woman named Lina."

Her face automatically morphed to one of shock. "Why would you be looking for me?"

The shock hit Matthew and Gilbert just as quickly as it had hit her. This was the woman they were looking for? This woman who was crying because she was alone and pregnant and was making plans to return to her own country?

"You're Lina?" Gilbert asked staring at her quizzically, trying to see what was so great about this woman.

"Yeah, it's the name I use when signing the sketches I sell over at the park. Lina Rosa," she said, peering at the two curiously. It wasn't every day the countries sought out someone who they considered human.

"You do what?" asked Matthew, completely shocked. They had expected someone as famous as Lina whose sketches were widely known in all of the countries due to the sheer number of people who bought them to be famous, to have work in a gallery and be dressed…well in clothing more befitting someone as well known as she.

"I sell sketches at the park I made well over a year ago as community service because I was bored and wanted somewhere pretty to relax while sketching. Plus the government loved it so much they don't mind that I have a small garden off to the side of it for tomatoes, strawberries and grapes," she said blushing as they exchanged incredulous looks. "Come on, let me pay for the cocoa you ordered me and I'll take you back to me place where we can talk."

They walked casually, Gilbert and Matthew looking around in awe; since they had forgotten their first experience she was sure they were not used to seeing such housing or such a simple area of living. She motioned toward the stairs as they followed her up and towards her apartment. She unlocked the door, pulling it in while she unlocked and pushing against it to open the door. It had gotten to sticking sometime during the month Antonio had been supposed to court her and she just never got around to fixing it.

"Come on in," she said smiling as she went to the kitchen area to get her guests some drinks. They looked around in curiosity staring at some of the more profound sketches she had kept out. They knew she couldn't know about the countries but the sheer number of sketches she had around the room of them was amazing. Francis at a bar hitting on a chick with Gilbert and Antonio laughing at him, Matthew and his brother Alfred, Alfred and Arthur, Ivan and his sisters, Feliciano and Ludwig, all of them in casual poses, even one of Lilli and Vash having a picnic in a field, but the one that caught their attention was one she had of them, they were sitting together smiling in front of a house that oddly seemed suited to them.

"I hope you don't mind. The first time I saw you two together I kind of figured you'd be together for however long the two of you are alive and I thought the house was perfect," she said as she caught them staring. "You can have that one. I have all sorts of sketches of so many people and I feel like I kind of invaded your privacy, but I just had to draw it once inspiration struck."

"Um, thanks," said Matthew, not really knowing what else to say. She was really good at what she did; there was no doubt that if she wanted she could become the best professional in the field. "So, um, how did you start sketching?"

He was really curious, prior to just over a year ago she had never existed, it was like one day she just showed up and started to get famous. She contemplated how to tell him what he already forgot in a way that wouldn't bring back any of his old memories. "I've always loved art, ever since I was little. But I wasn't good enough, not compared to my brother who everyone loved. He could paint and sing and dance and cook and clean. He was perfect to everyone else, my little _fratello_, and I was cast to the shadows. I was clumsy and rude, used to cuss every other word in a sentence and I had to pretend to be male to protect both myself and my brother."

"What changed?" asked Gilbert. He hated to admit it but he was being drawn in by her story, captivated to get to know this woman they were sent to look for, a woman he felt he should know.

Lovina sighed wistfully. "I left. I had fallen in love with a man who only ever saw my brother, but my brother had a boyfriend, I hated the damn guy, tried killing him a few times because he was taking my brother from me. You have to understand my brother was all I had, he was the reason for my existence, and then all of a sudden this no good damn German bastard was taking him from me and protecting my brother, taking all that I had to me away. It made me feel worthless. One day I called my brother over, space case that he was he hadn't listened to what I said and he actually decided to come earlier than expected. I talked to his boyfriend and finally gave their relationship my blessing after years of fighting it. The bastard wanted to marry my brother but waited for my permission. I was glad for that."

"So what made you leave?"

"My brother's lover and I walked in to see the man I love kissing my brother. It hurt and I ran. Didn't care where I ended up or how far it was, I ran because I didn't have a place to go back to anymore. I never looked back," she said a single tear falling. "Then I found this place and I created the park. I could sketch and no one ever knew I could sketch. I let them believe all I was good for was eating, sleeping, and gardening. I loved my tomato garden, hated leaving it behind. Started a new life here as Lina, leaving behind my namesake. Stayed here nearly a year before calling an old friend who convinced me to go back to my old job and try to work things out with the others. I still did my work, I just never showed up for meetings. When I did go back I gave it a shot. The guy I loved asked for a chance to prove his love for me and I was generous and gave him one. He left me again though and that was enough. I couldn't do it again. So I chose to forget and leave it all behind. Now I'm pregnant with his kid or kids and I'm going to go back to South Italy and live there. I can't bring him back to me."

"Isn't that unfair to the man you left behind? The man you love?" asked Matthew, trying to grasp what had happened, but a headache forming as though he had heard this before.

"Not really. I love him enough to leave him to his life, love him enough that because he chose to leave I let him go, and I love him enough to stay out of his life because I have the feeling he's forgotten me," she said looking out the window. She was already planning to be packed within two weeks and moved in three. She had found and bought the most perfect little house near the ocean in southern Italy. She would raise the little one there and she would make sure the child knew both her history and that of their father as well as their languages. She would raise them alone, but the only thing she wasn't sure of was would the little one be a country or normal human? She couldn't tell. There was no way of knowing since she wasn't a country anymore. "Our friends…well his friends more like, I didn't have very many, his friends always told him I wasn't good enough for him, he never really believed it, but I did. Once when he was drunk he said he'd hated me and that was enough to break my heart. I love him and this is all I can do to make sure both of us are happy."

They left the issue alone. She had told them her story, a story of her own pain and heartbreak that kept echoing in some distant past, something that was much deeper and they knew they were barely touching the surface of it. "So why were you looking for me?"

"Oh, yeah," said Matthew, both him and Gilbert having totally forgotten why they were searching for her. "We were told to ask if you would come with us to a meeting with a bunch of our friends and sketch all of us together, though it seems you have seen all of us at least once and could probably make a portrait just based on these. You'd be paid of course."

She chewed on her bottom lip, thinking the offer over. She didn't want to because the more she involved herself the more likely they were to begin recognizing her, and she couldn't let them because it would make them sad to know what she had done as an ex-nation. She still cared for them and she wanted to give them something, plus she needed the money, because as far as she could tell she had retained the characteristics of being a nation, she didn't age and nothing short of a mortal wound or life-threatening illness would probably kill her, thus her pregnancy would probably last nine years due to the unknown effects being a nation would have. She didn't even know if the kid or kids would be nations or humans, because this had never happened before.

"I kind of have to work late, but maybe if you come to where I work I could have my boss set up a private area for you and your companions and I can sketch during my breaks," she said, finally deciding to go with it. She wouldn't reveal herself to any of them, all she did was sing at a restaurant and it would be fairly easy to disguise herself. "Just meet me at this address in a few days at around four and you guys can come to the restaurant for dinner during my shift."

They quickly arranged everything and as she stood at her door bidding them goodbye and watched them walk down the street from her window she sighed. She could give them something of herself and they wouldn't know it, but she'd have something as well. She'd get to see their faces and hear their laughter, before she left.

The days flew by and as she was setting up the stand for her performance she watched them all eagerly enter the restraint as they were led to an area far off to the side where they would be unable to see her. She had her hair pulled back into a bun, a curl on each side of her head, and she had left her bangs to frame her face. She wore an elegant blue dress that fell to the floor with heels that matched with a slit up the left side to make it easier to walk. This was one of three jobs she had. One at a café similar to the Matthew took her to, the sketches she did at the park, and this one, where she sang for customers' pleasure at night. It pleased her, because she was finally allowed to show part of her true self, the side that had been cast aside for her brother, a brother that no longer knew her.

She had a while before she would need to sing, so she carefully slid to the side and hid in the shadows as she watched the other nations interact. She had missed it, the chaos of their childishness and the complete innocence the nations had despite their maturity and insanity throughout the centuries. She had grown used to it and from afar it was just that much easier to see how much they all made a family. Pulled from her thoughts she began to sketch them at their table, laughing, smiling, she smirked as she saw Matthew scolding Gilbert and Arthur yelling at Francis. She did not let her eyes leave them as she traced contours and blended colors, making the sketch come to life as she drew the outlines of them. Before she could completely finish she was called up to stage.

"This young woman has been with us a short time but has grown to be part of our family. As it stands she will take song requests later tonight but has asked that she be allowed to sing a few love songs as today is the anniversary of something that happened to her," said her coworker in sympathy.

She took the stage and said in a soft voice, "Today is the anniversary of many things for me; the anniversary of my parents deaths, the day I was left alone, the day I realized I had fallen in love. This is also a day of goodbyes. So for those of you who don't know this song it is called The Art of Letting Go."

She took a seat on the piano bench and began playing, then she took a breath and sang,

"_Put away the pictures._

_Put away the memories._

_I put over and over through my tears._

_I've held them till I'm blind._

_They kept my hope alive._

_As if somehow that I'd keep you here._

_Once you believed in a love forever more?_

_How do you leave it in a drawer?_

_Now here it comes, the hardest part of all_

_Unchain my heart that's holding on_

_How do I start, to live my life alone?_

_Guess I'm just learning,_

_Learning the art of letting go._

_Try to say it's over,_

_Say the word goodbye_

_But each time it catches in my throat_

_You're still here in me_

_And I can't set you free_

_So I hold on to what I wanted most_

_Maybe someday we'll be friends forever more_

_Wish I could open up that door_

_Now here it comes, the hardest part of all_

_Unchain my heart that's holding on_

_How do I start, to live my life alone?_

_Guess I'm just learning,_

_Learning the art of letting go._

_Watching us fade_

_What can I do?_

_But try to make it through the pain _

_Of one more day without you_

_Where do I start, to live my life alone?_

_I guess I'm learning, only learning,_

_Learning the art of letting go."_

As she closed the song she wiped a tear from her eye and couldn't bring herself to introduce the next one as she sang the inspiration in her heart. She didn't realize tears had begun to fall one by one down her face as she played the piano and started the next song. The song Almost Lover by a band called A Fine Frenzy.

"_Your fingertips across my skin_

_Palm trees swaying in the wind_

_Image~s"_

Memories haunted her, she could remember days with Antonio out in the sun, her childhood where sometimes they would go out to the beach and she'd yell at him for being a bastard and making her go out when it was so hot.

"_You sang me Spanish lullabies,_

_The sweetest sadness in your eyes_

_Clever trick…"_

She remembered the years she would wake up from nightmares and have Spain right there trying to wake her up, and to get her to go to sleep he sang her the most beautiful Spanish lullabies, even though she had always claimed she couldn't understand Spanish, she could, she just didn't want him knowing, because it made things that much more fun, and because she was privileged enough to hear the words come from his mouth.

"_Well I never want to see you unhappy,_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be_

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should have known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do…"_

She had loved him, wanted him more than anything. He had claimed to love her, she had hoped he did and wanted to believe in that if nothing else. He was all that she had left, but he wanted her brother and that had cost them everything. It had been a luckless romance. It had been doomed from the start, for so many reasons, because she hadn't trusted him, because he didn't trust her, because they hid things from each other and never told the other exactly what they meant. Their love never stood a chance.

"_We walked along a crowded street_

_You took my hand and danced with me_

_Images_

_And when you left you kissed my lips_

_You told me you would never, never forget these_

_Image~s…"_

Her mind wandered to festivals, dances, all sorts of outings she had gone to with Spain, though he never knew her favorite. She had gone to an opera, it was one of the things she loved most and that sad, sad tale of love, she had known then she was heading for the same path, but it was a reversed order. Her love for the man was so easily turned away, he never really knew how much he hurt her despite his claims of love, little things made her happy, and just the same he did little things that made her sad. When he invited her places it became fewer and fewer, and then she realized he only asked her if her brother couldn't. When she realized that she felt her heart die a little more and could have sworn she heard a crack.

"_Well I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be_

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should have known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do…_

_I cannot go to the ocean_

_I cannot drive the streets at night_

_I cannot wake up in the morning_

_Without you on my mind_

_So you're gone and I'm haunted_

_But I guess you were just fine_

_Do I make it that easy_

_To walk right in and out of my li~fe?_

_Well I never want to see you unhappy_

_I thought you'd want the same for me_

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be_

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should have known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do…_

_Goodbye my almost lover_

_Goodbye my hopeless dream_

_I'm trying not to think about you_

_Can't you just let me be_

_So long my luckless romance_

_My back is turned on you_

_Should have known you'd bring me heartache_

_Almost lovers always do~…"_

It was true, she couldn't do anything without remembering him, he haunted her mind, because she had been with him centuries, loved him for just as long, and she would never be able to forget because now she would be having a child, his child and she knew in her heart that God had given her this gift in mercy. She had her memory of him and now she would always have a part of him with her. She wanted to say it wasn't merciful, but it was and she thanked God for all he was doing for her. It was the first time she had ever felt so blessed. Yet still she had to wonder if it really had been that easy, he was always leaving her, it made her feel worthless, had she really meant so little to him? Had she only ever been a replacement?

She left the stage with memories fresh in her mind and it seemed so long ago that they had meant anything only to have come back a thousand times stronger. It seemed that no matter how insignificant they had left their mark just as Antonio had left his own. Her memories, it felt like she carried them around with her everywhere and she didn't mind it.

She continued the sketch, looking over at their table to see that they were somber. She knew they couldn't have possibly recognized her voice, she had never sung before the other nations, but she knew that they could all relate, because they had all felt something at some point or another. Even though they were nations, part of them was human, and that part of them loved and felt everything as humans would to disastrous effects.

Every ten or so minutes she would return to the stage and sing a few songs, Italian, Spanish, French, it didn't matter, if she knew the words she would sing it for the customers, because it made them happy and she would play the violin or the piano, they even had a harp she used every so often. The sketch was done within the time they had finished their meal and were preparing to leave. Handing it to their server she instructed him to give it to Matthew and requested that he give him a message. He nodded and carried off the beautiful sketch, she hadn't drawn them in the restaurant, but she had drawn them in a place he had never seen before.

She was please with her work, she had thought the ancient Roman back-round would suit them perfectly with the smiles and happiness she had seen on them earlier that she had drawn; their faces would forever be in her mind just as they were now on that paper. In a silent goodbye she walked home, knowing that she would not be returning to work ever again, she had bought a house, not even that, for God had blessed her further. She had bought the small cottage she had once lived as a child when she was alone, it was small, but it would suit her needs, that was all that mattered.

Upon reaching her apartment door she stood and stared in shock.

"Hello, little Italy, but then again you are no longer South Italy, are you?" spoke Sadiq, a small smile on his face. "Don't be so shocked; at least one person was bound to remember you since you obviously have all your memories."

She nodded in reluctance before opening the door and motioning him inside, somehow it was strange to have this man she once regarded as an enemy within her home, and yet it was a relief, a relief that someone else knew, that there was at least one person who had obviously cared enough to remember, because as far as she knew that was the only way to fight off whatever caused them to forget.

"It's strange, being here with you," Sadiq said softly. "When you were younger I always wanted to do something like this. You were stronger than your brother; you tried to fight me, though Spain rescued you in the end. You were a brave little one."

"And you were scary as fuck," she deadpanned. "Why are you here Sadiq?"

"To find out the truth," he commented. "You've never done something so drastic before, the others don't even remember you and you effectively dissolved yourself and blended your half with your brothers. I'm just worried about you."

She shuddered, why now? Why after so long, how could he be so at ease about saying something like that? She whispered softly, "No one cared before. Now everything is just all fucked up and nothing will set it right. Never again, Sadiq will I hear Antonio call my name with his stupid voice and say he loves me, never again will my idiota fratello call my name and hug me mercilessly, never again will I sit at one of those meetings with everyone and think about how stupid you all are. I made my choice, to be human, to live as a human, because I was so tired of the lies. Apparently you are the only one to care enough to remember, so tell me why you are really here."

He sighed in disappointment. She had so much promise to become great, which was why he had wanted her when she was young. She was a diamond in the rough, her course language made people look away but she was cunning, loyal, brave, passionate, stubborn, loving, and graceful in a way no one else saw, and he wanted her. She had made him want her.

"You loved him," he stated, the words passing his lips flawlessly despite the jealousy he felt for her loyalty to the Spaniard.

"I always did, but you knew that," she responded, a soft smile on her face. No matter how she had disliked him, his presence was a comfort in her turmoil.

"I loved you," he said evenly, testing, unsure of how she'd respond.

"I can't return that love. Besides, you no longer love me that way. You have fallen for another," she said, inclining her head in acceptance. Something about her pregnancy made her hormones act up in ways she didn't understand, but she knew that his man would be there should she need him, out of some duty he himself felt toward her, perhaps that was why she was so calm and perhaps that was why God had sent him to her, because she would need someone, anyone, to be a constant in her life now that Antonio was not.

He inclined his head. It was true, he loved another now, but it did not change what he meant. "I want to help you."

She accepted. He always told her the truth, he worked for her trust, he helped her move to southern Italy, and sometimes he would stay with her. The abnormalities between her pregnancy and a humans pregnancy was glaringly obvious. She had her cycle once a year, now she was pregnant she would miss nine cycles. So she would have her child or children in nine years that was all she had calculated.

Sadiq was around constantly, he enjoyed being with her, seeing what the others hadn't acknowledged. She was a beautiful woman, she could dance beautifully, sketch things long forgotten and she would share them with him, memories that they could have and remember. She cooked wonderfully and he helped her around the house. When her pregnancy started to show he found ways to keep her inside and if he was at a meeting he had his phone so she could contact him in case of emergency. When she gave birth he was there.

In her arms, after hours of labor, she held two children, a little girl with tan skin, dark curly hair, and green eyes and a little boy who had her own hair and eye color. She knew she had been blessed.

"What will you name them?" Sadiq asked softly, staring at the two little ones he knew he would help her raise even if she didn't ask. The two he wished were his children, but would settle for being their uncle for.

I want them to have something of both of us," she said, her voice still tinged with pain. "Antonia, Antonia Roma Carriedo Vargas. She will be my little 'nia."

"And the boy?"

"Lovino Fernandez Carriedo Vargas. They will be our secret, but they will bear the namesakes," she said, her eyes closing from exhaustion.

He nodded. "Rest. I will look after you and the little ones. You are not alone."

With those words she fell into a comfortable sleep. He had said words she had always longed to hear, more than that he proved them, because he stayed with her, he remembered her, and he was the only one who had returned to her.

The birth of the twins was just a new chapter in her life, the beginning of something special for Sadiq for the first time since the fall of the Anatolian Empire and Ottoman Empire, and the beginning of something that neither was prepared for, but that is a story yet to be told.

Glossary

_Italian_

_Bastardo- bastard_

_Idiota- idiot_

_Espana- Spain_

_Sanguinosi gli- bloody idiot_

_Pazzo- crazy, mad, insane_

_Fratello- brother_

_Ti amo- I love you_

_Sorella- sister_

_Vaffanculo- Go fuck yourself (I think)_

_Bugiardo- liar_

_Grazie- thank you_

_Spanish_

_Tomate- tomato_

_Si- Yes_

_Mi querida- my darling_

_Lo siento- I'm sorry_

_Mi soles- my sun (I think, it's been a while so I'm not sure. :P)_

_Te amo, Lovi. Por siempre. No importa lo que pase: I love you, Lovi. Forever. No matter what happens_

_German_

_Mein schatz- my precious_

_Ja- yes_

_Ich verzhie du- I forgive you_

_Ich leibe dich- I love you_

_French_

_Mon ami- my friend_

A/N: *slams head on desk* I knew I shouldn't have, I knew it, but really this story was just there and I felt I had to type it out and it's so long…it has potential to be more than a one-shot but I can't afford to do that yet, in fact if anything I'll end up writing a oneshot sequel to this…gah I'm frustrated with myself! Someone review slap me for being an idiot and doing this again! First with that Labyrinth fanfic, which will be updated within the following two weeks, and now this…why me? At any rate, let me know what you think, as for the bits about Sadiq, I kind of just really wanted to add him in because if I write more to this and have random countries gain their memories of South Italy it'll be easy to wreak havoc and create chaos to implement into more of a plotline. ;)


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